Romancing with a lateeeee morning

Subah Subah aankh khulne se pehle kisi ne bulaya
Kuch nahi yaar, tahe dil se mere dil ne samjhaya
Par jab panch minute baad fir alarm bola
Aree abhi to soyi thi, maine dil ko tatola

Kitni baar kaha... aapne kabhi nahi jagaya
Uthe ke baad pyar se pati dev ko daant lagaya

Kitna farak hai 7 aur 7 das mein
Ek umr guzar jaati hai isi kash-ma-kash mein

Kitchen mein gayi tu ek aur achambha saamne aaya
Raat ko jo Palak aalo kate the, Mr and Mrs Chinti ne tha bhog lagaya
Chintiyan kab se palak khane lagi, mujhe zor se gussa aaya
Anniversary pe bhi kuch diff na khao, Mrs chinti ne mujhe dekh naak chidhaya

Main bhi kahan kam thi, socha suji ka halwa banaoongi
Fir dheere dheere , mrs chinti ko chida chida bade maje se khaoongi



Khana, kapde tayari .. 6 8 Cheeze ek dum se aati hain pass mere
Boli.... Dekh mujhe pehle nahi kiya tabhi late hui thi kal savere

Roz subah subah waqt se race lag jaata hai
museebat tu yeh use bhi tez bhagna aata hai

Sach kahon ...Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Ek subah jab late ho koi, asi subah se kaise kisi ko itna pyar ho jaata hai
Hue chala jaata hai....

Of Mr Ramalingam, Kumari Tun Tun Tun ..... and your swayambar

I was wondering the other day called today that what wud have been the case had I not been I... had I been you,him or her.... and what if I was asked to choose the person I am as the better half... then what .... in short had i been Mr Ramalingam Ayer or Kumari Tun tun tun, and had been asked to come to swayambar of person I am?

So imagining myself in shoes of someone evaluating me as a marriage prospect is the thought with which i struggled today....

So lets imagine if some one came to evaluate us .. what wud have been his/her reaction... In my case say the main lead is a lady... oops i shud be calling her a girl.... so main lead being a girl called Kumari Tun Tun Tun.
First things first, I think the first question Tun Tun Tun wud have asked ..."Okie, i understand that I am here to choose a better half ... but that doesnt mean that you take it literally.... means wheres the other half..."
me (perplexed)...."What do you mean...?"
Tun Tun Tun.." I mean Rab ne itna hi banaya or you forgot some part of you back home.."

Literally with the great physique I have .. one ought to be confused that how come the project "me" was stopped half way.... The best words to decribe my physique wud be imagine ... some great wrestler ..... say dara singh.. or lets take Khali.... hes more in fashion these dayz.... so imagine them standing... and then imagine removing a third portion from back and front and a third portion from both the sides .... the pillar like thing which wud be left wud pretty much resemble me....

But gud physique is not the only gud thing about me .... I have a special feature.... called short term name rememberance syndrome....

In simplistic terms I am very good at remembering the names for a short period of time say 15 mins ... or may be 15 secs .... Each morning I get up and check my "Gajini" chest and thank God that I dont have a tatoo of my own name and i rememver it without that...

But ya I do expect a symbolic expression of thanks from all those people around whose name I remember.... though believe me ... they are rare...

So taking a stock of this man with great phisique and memory... what else....

Hmm... I think m very agile ... infact very very agile in my display of laziness.... so much so that had I been a tennis player.... i wud surely have had asked the ball to wait on the net before it fell towards me ...

Now just as the last piece of ice on this hot choclate cake.....Let me just describe how my mirror looks at me each morning.....
Imagine you turn someone so angry.... so so angry that his/her years turn red... then u tease him showing him something he/she is looking for not giving it and frustrating hell out of him/her... then u stand in front of him/her clueless .... like u do when ur boss is reviewing your work..... amalgamation of all these feelings is exactly the I see on my mirror just that mirror's looks look a bit more constipated...

But u know what.. let me tell you ..in words of my friend Amitab Bachan ..."Ladka tu sona hai.." bas shakal aur akal main God ji gave up half way... he also understood the futility of the effort ...

Pardon me friends but I cannot mention of anything gud.... cause a) I cant think of much of it and b) I want to pretend being humble...

yet all said and done ... i think i wud have been thankful to God if someone like Kumari Tun tun tun wud have thought like that for me.... for reasons obvious .... but I think I wud have had some things gud .. now that someone just opposite and much much better than Kumari Tun tun tun (Infact I feel derogatory comparing them....) has affirmatively evaluated me....

May God bless all the mortal souls....

Chaand ne chand ko yaad farmaya hoga....

Chaand par jaane ka khayal jis dam aaya hoga

       Yakkenan - Yakkenan kisi ki mehbooba ne mangwaya hoga

Albatta, taaron ki guzarish kee hogi

       Aaag ka gola bata, kisi tarah samjhaya hoga

Pyar mein logoon ne Taj Mahal Banwa diya

       Banwa kar mazdooron ke haathon ko katwa diya

Loog kehte hain pyar aandha hota hai

       Pyar andha, tu bhala Taj Mahal kise dikhaya hoga

Chaand par jaane ka khayal jis dam aaya hoga

       Yakkenan - Yakkenan kisi ki mehbooba ne mangwaya hoga

Sach kahun Kabhi kabhi har kisi ke dil mein khayal aata hai

       Par amitab ji ke liye na rakhi, na miss rai ko banaya jaata hai

Sochiye agar har ladki aishwarya rai, har ladka bachan banaya hota 

       Fir heer ranjhe ka kise kisne kab kisse sunaya ho hota

Par dost kuch tu hai Ishq mein

       Aadmi chand par bhi pahunch jaata hai

Jo nahin pahunch pata woh

       dua kar ek is zameen par mangwata hai

Ek aur ek hote hain do

       Kabhi aapne ek aur ek gyarah banaya hoga

Par aisa ek jo aapke saath mil ke bhi ek hi banaye

       yakeenan rab ne aisa ek kahin banaya hoga

Chaand par jaane ka khayal jis dum aaya hoga

        Yahan ke chand ne bas wahan ke chand ko yaad farmaya hoga

.......      bas yaad farmaya hoga...

Maine biwi ko kyun sunder banaya

Doston shukriya, meharbani..
Aapne piche si suni meri kahani
Par apni hi kahani padh kar, mere dil mein yeh khayal aaya
Kavita ka sheershak
“Maine biwi ko kyun sunder banaya”


Aap ko pichli kavita mein tha sunaya
Biwi ko humne kaise kaise sunder banaya
Yaka yak hamare dimag mein pata kya khayal aaya…
Yeh soch dost mein sehma…. ghabraya


Yadi who ban jaein aishwarya rai
Aur hum bachhan jaise bhi na dikhne payen
Tu namumkin se bhi thoda kathin kaam
Unki shadi Ram pal yadav jaise se karaen tu kaise karaen

Tu hum aaene ke pass pahunche, mein jaise hi muskuraya
Usne gandi nigah se dekha, gusse se mein muh pichkaya

Jaise suraj ki garmi se jalte hue man ko mil jaye taruar ki chaya
Unse 2 ache shabd sunne ko hamara dil aise, kuch aise hi tarasa-ya

Who Bola, beta main tumhe sunder, bahut sunder batata
Agar tu mere pass 20 saal pehle aata
Bache bhagwan ka sunder roop hote hain..
Kuch badh chicken makhani, kuch teri tarah tomato soup hote hain

Meine kaha main sudh masahari,
Kam se kam chicke soup tu bataoo…
Itna bhi bura nahi…
Tu apna standard Aishwarya rai se neeche tu laoo..

Unhone 4 line mein apna vish-leshan sunaya..
Airtel ki latest add dekhi aapne,… bas usi ko aona adhaar banaya

Bole mein janta hoon tumne biwi ko sunder banaya hai
Shayad tum jaise ko soch kar director
madhawan ke saath vidya balan ko laya hai

tum sunder tu bahut ho, bas rang thoda kala hai
chera.. kisi actor se badal dun,
tu bas ..tumhare roop ka hi bool bala hai

body ab mein kya bataoon….
Bhagwaan ne kya banaya hai
Qutumb minar ki beech ki manzil pe,
Tajmahal ka gumbaz sajaya hai…

Tu dost yehi soch ..soch soch
Mein in dino ghabrata hoon
Gtalk pe bhi gar dekha ho aapne
20 saal purani tasveer lagata hoon
20 saal purani tasveer lagata hoon

Aaj kal... Biwi Ko sunder bana rahe hain

Main jaanta hoon dost ..
ise padh kar ..Aap apne khayalon ke ghode daudaeenge
Aur ek baar who chal diye, tu daudte hi jayenge

Par thamiye… rukiye.. jo likha hai kuch bhi sach nahi..
Ek ajeeb din ka ek ajeeb khayal… ek khayal hai kahin..

Is like ek lateefe ki tarah, Suniye jo suna raha hoon
Kavita ka sheershak..
“Aaj kal biwi ko sunder bana raha hoon”

Ek din mein ek English magazine padh raha tha

Saath saath Hindi mein translate kar raha tha

Ek pangti kehti "shaadi karo kabhi...kaheen

Zindagi mein khushi hi tu Sab kuch naheen"

Khair maano na maano

Shaadi karni padti hai,yeh baat sach hi janoo

yehi sooch hum Bahut Saari kar rahe hein

Aaj kal dost..., shaadi ki tayyari kar rahe hein

Pichle dinnon bina soche bina samjhee,

bas khaaee jaa raha tha

"toond" kehte hain jisse, badhaee

bas badhaee jaa raha tha

Khair waqt guzra ,

ek din aapne aaine ko bulaya

Kutumb minnar hota tha jahan,

aaj wahin taaj mahal ke gumbaz ko paaya

Dost boola dont worry,

tere liye hum chaand se ladki mangwaeenge

Bas 100….Saal wait kar,

pehle wahan ek paida karwaenge

So ab ek baar fir,
taajmahal ko tarrashne ka hukum jaari kar raha hoon

Aap se tu kaha….. shaadi ki taayari kar raha hoon

Ek din baat chali .....

Yeh pyaar hai kya

Koi nahi jaanta

.... par sabko hai pata?

Ek bola..

Pyaar woh bimari hai,

jismein aadmi paagal ho jaata hai

Aankhen band karne pe bhi,

baati band nahi kar paata hai

Koi nazar aaye hi jaata hai

aaye hi jaata hai

Tabhi ek shadi shuda ki aawaaz. Aayi

Shadi ke baad its diff hai bhai

Subah subah uto, unke liye chay banaoo

Jaldi subah uthke, unhe office chod ke aaoo

Kabhi-2 unke gusse ko mananaa padta hai

Bas 3 time 3 time ka khana banana padta hai...

Tu doston, training in Sab ki baari-baari kar raha hoon

Aaj kal mein shaadi ki, shaadi ki tayaari kar raha hoon

Ek din 4 samajhdaaron ka toola

Pastry ki last bite bachi tu ek dost bola

Meine kahin suna tha

" kisii bhi common dish mein jo last bite khata hai

Ek sunder atii sunder husband/wife paata hai"
Us dost ki baat ko aaj bhi dil pe liye jaa raha hoon

Koi bhi dish ho....
mein last bite kha-kha kar, apni biwii ko sunder bana raha hoon

Ek din humne bazzar ka chakkar lagaya

Ek dukaan mein humein ek sunder nosepin nazar aaya

Bachpan ki khwaish, unke liye ek nosepin le jaoon

kuch is tarah unko mein sunder banaoo..

tu.. woh nose pin pehanti hoon, yeh dua khoob saari kar raha hoon

mein shadi ki,shadi ki ..... tayarri kar raha hoon..

Sach kahun.... Toond ke madde-nazar,
teeno time last bite bas last bite hi khaa raha hoon

Shaadi ke liye sabse zaroori,

biwii ko sunder bana raha hoon

Shaadi ki tayyari kiye jaa raha hoon

My Shameless cup of T

Have you met anyone who writes the daily diary in the morning and revises it the same evening. Honestly speaking, I haven’t. There are some things which one is not allowed to be do more than once a day.

So everything has its own rules. We’ll probably….

The other things depend on is “The day”. One of my friend these days says, “Fate is nothing but what you create for yourself”. I believe he is right to some extent. Let me exemplify this with a live telecast of another of those ’K’ titled serials “KKyunki yeh meri life hai”.

Yesterday after wrestling with my bed for half an hour, trying to sleep but feeling too lazy to get up and switch off the lights, I woke up, took the decision of the day. To make myself a good grand dinner with chapatti instead of usual rice.When I worked hard, sweated for an hour to finally make something which can best resemble a roasted papad instead of roti, I said to myself “Fate is really what one makes for oneself”

But then comes a new day. My friend makes me a early morning tea. We rushed through the daily chores pushing the hands of clock hard of course in the anticlockwise direction. In the end, I got up early but was still running a few minutes late to my friend. So towards the end of our phase I of the day i.e. “getting ready for office”, he sits having steaming hot tea watching me giving finishing touches to the Monalisa I was painting in the mirror. Meanwhile I see my cup, mocking at me …. Smoking away all the steam it had. I finally get almost ready ,and what I have for to start the day is: last night papad with some pickle to make it “masala papad” along with a shameless (I mean steamless) cup of tea.

I didn’t make this shameless cup of fate for myself. So my dear friend, please answer. Lets get going, no point crying over the spilled tea, spilled in the depths of my throat chilled and cold. So we move on to office and just to do myself a favor, I ask my office boy to get me another cup of tea. Meanwhile I get called for a meeting. So, it comes it waits, it smiles and steams away….. another cup gulped … after all “Dil ke samjhane ko Galib yeh khayal acha hai”.

So now I had two cup of teas in my stomach, each one saying to me…. Go sit on the Stove and everything would be fine.

Next I venture or step into the second half of the day leaving behind everything…. from the beautiful memories of the “masala papad” to those forgettable/unforgettable cups of tea.

So evening when I am tired, physically and mentally, I ask for another cup of tea. But you know what…. The problem is that I had forgotten everything in the past….

Probably I should have remembered it and ensure it doesn’t happen again. But it happened, just to avoid the shameless eyes of that chilled cool attitude cup, I gulped it too.

Now what next, should I order another cup, or aiming for Mount Everest would be more feasible. So as suggested by elders ( read King Bruce), I ordered another one, this time with high hope and determination.

So here comes another one for the day. I hold it in my hand, with a smile…. First two sips make me recall…. Hot coffee and tea really tastes nice. Then the inevitable happens. I get stuck up in some word document all alone … without my dear cup of coffee…

and
.
.
.
.
.
I decide to give up.

Of the year which just passed by

So friends countrymen and those left out in those two addresses....
on this day lets just look back and remember those 52 saturdays and sundays which just went by ...remember what all we could have done and what all we should not have done over the lovely thing called weekend(I seek your appologies.. but to make new year a happy new year I thought to think of the good part only i.e the weekend) ....Probably the weekends fall in three categories.
1) When your eyes told you dude .... m leaving .. but your boss pierced a pair of thread to keep them wide open.. essentiall a working weekend over a slice of Pizza along with your favourite company... the "tanhayee" in office (let me put a disclaimer .. there is no gal with that name in my office)
2) When you stuffed your pockets with tissues and caught hold of some in your hand and went on to see a senti-mental movie with your galfriends or your better halves (please note the irony in the difference of names thats give to the two relationships)..The other irony lied in the fact that you had to use most of the tissues for yourself.... how can any sane person spend three hours in cinema hall watching movies of the Genre of sawariyaa and OSO without sheding some tears for the mega bucks you spend... I spent the 3 hours in following way
first 15 minutes trying to religiously understand what are the evil intentions of the director..
next 15 with a hope that my gray cell might need a bit of workout to understand the witty and deeply embedded hidden intelligence in the story line.. after all Rome was not built in a day...
next 15 - 30 mins in tapping your feet our finishing off the pop - corn you came in with
The time that follows is most cruitial.. when you plan for the ways in which you would or could kill the person who brought you in such a situation... and in case its your gal friend ... u are like an expert swimmer in the middle of the sea... who just forgot how to swim before jumping from the ship....
khair lets move on to the better half..i mean the better half of the blog ... (just to align your thoughts with mine)
3) Third kind of weekends are the one which are normal... i mean you do what you are supposed to do on a weekend .. basically do nothing... lie down on a bed as if there are no mondays...

Hey guys just remebered there is more to an year that weekends.... atleast in the organizations there is one holi- day and a dozen more holi-days in form of other festivals .. (also some dayz when you can fall sick..)

Interestingly in my kitty we also have something thats called "privelleged leave"... which means a leave at the priveledge of your Boss.... interesting...

So those lovely 10-12 holi-days when you get another opportunity to sleep as much as you wish .... may be even more than that

and it is this sleep which leads to dreams... & my mummy says dreams lead to something big ... You know, Last time i dreamt, i dreamt of full pizza all for myself which I didnt have to share with anyone.. by anyone i mean anyone including my gal friend . you know what was the best part of the dream... i ate all of the pizza but didnt get an inch of fat on my tummy... (what a girlish thought... so lets just forget it)

Anyways returning back to the point i wanted to point out.... there were some dayz last year when God was really in bindaas mood .... and we were free to think sleep eat drink and do anything we wanted to do... its a time to remember all those moments and pray to God that you get more of those...
And here comes the year leaping with joy... with hope,optimism, utopia,faith, boyancy and confidence... that tommorow will be better... better than today and yesterday
so all would like to say to my readers is ....
"Happy New Year Buddy.." May GOD bless me.... and if still has some more time left may He bless you too....

Reverse Engineering kar ke dikhaooo....says the girlfriend

Every gal has its own perils... and mine one has two.....

Bye the way...For those lucky fellas who are reading this post without reading the one just below its feet, i hereby congratulate you.... congratulate you for more than one reasons
a) You didn’t had to bear the painstaking process of cerebral smiling while reading the long post below(cerebral smiling is an acute disease which can be cured only after watching Munna Bhai MBBS from end to start...)
b) Trying to judge what this blog is all about without reading the answer is as good as trying out parasailing in the bath tub of the room next door..(Buckets for those who couldn’t find a bath tub) and believe me or not.. I have tried that out... it works...especially if you have joint pains and need a couple of days off.
c) Sometimes its exciting to read the book back to forth....specially if you don’t wanna make any sense ....

okie....Let me bring back the focus of the camera to this post.....
I was telling you about perils of my gal.
a) to begin with from the very begining she knows she’s intelligent....
b)fortunately/unfortunately she indeed is intelligent...

BTW all those heart beating souls getting anxious to know more about her can check her detailed profile at My would be tajmahal.

As the whole world knows...i started a new blog. I passed on the blog address to all my friend list. And with a stroke of ingenuity I also put it on my Gtalk Status line.
The skies rained .. with comments and page visit... and just like one of my friends who is a mortal blogger ( mortal blogger is someone who feels happy with page hits on his/her blog) I was smiling my heart out.. Infact you could have clicked numerous kodak moments while i was sleeping...

Then guess what happened... she ..(you know who) turned up... said u r smart dude.... i told her its all because of u... she said 'I know that'.
But ab mujhe zara reverse engineering kar ke dikhaoo.......
I still had a curve on my lips but ull have to stand on your arms .. upside down to call that a smile....

for about 20 years and 5 seconds i tried to contemplate what all her statement could mean ..(It looked like that long)....
i told her I was just kidding... she replied, "I am not..."
I said," Its just a post dear a small petty thing"

That moment and for times to come I tried my best to cajole her with some sweet innocent words, but some intelligent fellow has rightly said
"There are some things honey cant buy....."
So i raised my hands up up in the air .... and said at the loudest of my voice (as loud as you can get in front of a gf...), i said "I surrender..".
she said coool.... yeah indeed it sounded like a cool with an extra O..
so finaly history repeated itself... and treaty of Versailles signed once again in the backyard of my house......(For my dear friends who’s history teachers were weak in history.. treaty of Versailles was signed after the world war I and speculators say it was one of the reasons of WWII.)

So I was given a months time to learn to prepare an omelet from an egg..(my gf says be worldly wise...)Probably that’s what you have to pay for trying to be over smart....

More about my experiments with truth in kitchen in the posts to follow... till then join your hands and pray for me....and of course for m gf...

Thats what this blog is all about

On being asked "Can you prepare an Omelette from an Egg?", I like a typical inocent ignorant Indian said back
"I can write a software code for it, just get me a robot who can follow the code and execute it"
What a puffed chest brightning eyes answer I thought to myself. But fortunately unfortunate these work in a limited number of cases like Govt of India presenting its points To SC. One thing for sure, they dont work in the highest decree courts of spouses/Girlfriends.

So that was a unhappy ending to a happy story and all I could see is unhappy frown hanging in thin air.

Now here comes the "Kahan main twist". During my journey from being mortal to the one immortal ( I mean the MBA program I just attended), i thought about it.. And Thats where the idea came up..why not think about making an egg from the omelette. This would help me in two ways
1. It would be a thought one step ahead. so called thinking ahead of times
2. In case I can figure put how to make egg from an omelette, based on the principles of "Reverse engineering" I can do the exact opposite too.
3. Getting an omelette from egg is something anyone can do.. why not be someone different

BTW I know I mentioned two ways... so you can as well neglect the third point..its redundant and ... u know what.

So thats how the blog was given a birth to. Lets come to the point thats most important. How to get an egg from an omellete? well have worked for a while and actually could think of many many solutions. Let me share the top three.

First One of the simplest way is to make the hen in your house eat that egg, and wait for the next round of eggs. One of the for sure would have a part of the omelette and I can bet on that

Second A more simpler way to do it might be just outsource. I know me myself and you are not the best person to do it, so why not find someone who can. In this case the most appropriate outsourcing vendor seems to be GOD himself. so just take your way to himalyas...do chant his name for a couple of decades.. I can again bet you will get atleast one wish fulfilled.

Third Third and probably the most difficult way. Go to your girlfriend.. tell her shes not that good looking as you thought earlier. Once kicked out of house take your way to the market... look around.. set up a stall...sell that omelette and get some good new eggs. Thats most tough cause u need to be an MBA to think that

Now thats what they call "Out of the box thoughts" and I call them .."out of the garbage box thoughts......" and believe me ... thats what this blog is all about....:-)